Work-it-out with your best friend

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1B. This triggers my feelings of ________________________________

"In the next blank, 1B, write your feelings . Be sure to use words that describe emotions, not thoughts. You can't feel like 'she was the favorite,' because that is a thought. Sometimes it is difficult to say what your feelings are, and the box on the right is a place to draw and describe them," I offered.

1B. This triggers my feelings of anger.

. "This is easier than I thought it would be, michael."

"Good, and the next step is a little more of a challenge. The idea with Step 1C is to identify the thought you use to cause your feelings of anger."

"I remember we talked about this earlier, but I'm not sure I quite get the idea yet. What does 'identify the thought I use to cause my anger' mean?"

"What thought, specifically, do you have to think in order to be angry about your sister being what you perceived as the favorite?" I asked.

1C. My thought that causes this feeling is _______________________ __________________________________________________

1C. My thought that causes this feeling is Amy had it easy, I never had it so good!

"That's a cinch. She had it easy, I never had it that good!" His voice went up a couple of octaves as he spoke. It was clear that his emotions were still right on the edge from the processing we had done earlier in the day. He had accomplished something uncommon for a man in our culture; he became safe enough to be open and vulnerable. "I'm still not quite sure how that thought causes my anger, though," Richard added.

"If you held the thought, 'How sweet, my sister had things so much easier than I did and I'm happy for her!' how would you feel?"