Work-it-out with your best friend

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"Delighted, I guess." he answered.

"So, the actuality is the same. The only thing that changes for anger to become delight is the thought you think, right? Who suffers from your negative thoughts?" I queried.

"It's getting clearer for me that I'm the one who causes me to suffer and it boggles my mind that I do it so automatically." Richard paused as his thoughts jelled. "You know, michael, I understood this concept about two hours ago when we were talking and was amazed by the whole idea. Now, it's like I'm hearing the idea for the first time . I am understanding how my thoughts generate my feelings all over again, and it amazes me just as much now as two hours ago!"

"I can relate to that, Richard. It amazes me each time I teach it. Life works so differently from the way most of us were trained to think. An important question to ask is, 'Who is in charge of what you think and feel?'

"In the past it has been everybody but me! I am ready to take charge of my mind and be responsible for the thoughts I think. I'm grasping that my feelings are a result of my thoughts and the words I use. So I guess I'll also start taking full responsibility for them. I'm going to be more careful of the words I use and have more integrity in the way I act. Hopefully, all these things together will improve the results I produce in my life."

"Great! Step 1D is pretty straightforward. You simply describe what it is you want to do to punish the trigger in Number 1A. Punishment might be anything; a sneer, a degrading thought, leaving, or emotional, verbal or physical abuse ."

1D. I want to punish by _______________________________________ __________________________________________________________

1D. I want to punish by yelling and getting rid of Amy.

"Step 2 is a reminder that punishment and blame are not your friends, they are a ball and chain. They may bring relief in the short term, but the consequences are always destructive to your physiology, the way your mind works and your happiness!"

"Can a little anger really hurt you that much?" Richard was definitely not convinced.

"I'm not sure how to tell the effects of a 'little' anger, but I suspect if we were to quantify it we would find that anger is one of the major destructive forces to the body. We are so good at suppressing , we don't usually have the opportunity to directly confront the effects of our feelings until it is too late and we are facing a major degenerative condition.