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I have a hard time picking out goals I have in life from now to the day I pass. So how can I possibly do that it's not normal or our my goals set to high , should they be tapered to my main problem which I have been on Xanax from 08 and that's a way of life. But after searching women and finding a gf I love and get and she gets me but won't be a part of pills where is the goal the pills or the gf anyone feel free to respond and I will focus on questions you might have to better understand my story god bless
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  • Replied by Jeanie on Thursday, April 24 2014, 02:16 AM
    Brian, first, goals are what creates a stress to move us into behavior. Simple things like we have a goal to eat or drink or go to the bathroom and these goals are what motivates us to do so. There are stresses we need but then there are stresses we don't need. The forgiveness process is about removing the stresses we don't need by cancelling the goal we hold in each situation. That being said, you currently have two big goals: 1) to release your dependence on Xanax which is an effect - an anesthetic to keep from looking at the cause which is the underlying pain or fear. When you handle the cause you won't need the Xanax. 2) your desire to be accepted as you are or maybe a third goal for your girlfriend to support you in releasing the Xanax. Both of these goals could easily grow (what we call the hydra effect) into multiple worksheets (to cancel multiple underlying goals). I suggest you work on what is in your face at the moment. I could offer some things that might be underlying your issues but I prefer you to uncover it instead of me suggesting something that might or might not be true for you. But I will give a different example, as we go through the day, a driver might cut us off and trigger our fear of a wreck or anger toward their recklessness (2 different worksheets) and the goal in both cases might be the same "to be safe on the road when driving". That goal has been jeopardized by another person raising our stress....stress we don't need. Cancel the goal and one might see where they did not feel safe as a child or it might bring forth the remembrance of a previous wreck. We do a live radio show Monday thru Friday to offer support. Call in 646-200-4169 and press 1 to talk to us and ask your questions or to get support. Or write here again - Blessings, Jeanie Ryce

    Replied by Jeanie on Thursday, February 19 2015, 07:13 PM · Hide · #1
    Brian, cancelling goals is not "normal" in our culture. we are taught to set goals, set goals but never to cancel them. when goals are set (conscious or unconscious) then a stress is created. the only way to relieve the stress is to either accomplish the goal or cancel it. if you have too many goals you have too much stress - thus the need for Xanax. when you do a worksheet, you have an object of attention (a person, thing or event) and a particular situation that triggered something less than love in you...you had a specific goal in the moment. Whether it was "I want them to be nice" or "I want her to stay with me regardless of the pills" or "I want to be able to stop taking the pills" ... when you cancel that goal, and ask for assistance from Rukha d'Koodsha (Holy Spirit or Higher Power) then you will drop into what is keeping you from obtaining that goal. we are creators, so why is there anything that you want that you have not created yet? because there is a bigger part of you that believes you can't have it or don't deserve it than the part that says you want it. until that part is cleared you will never get what you say you want. you might bump into past experiences that are similar where say, for example, you wanted mom or a teacher to just accept you as is and felt like they did not...that is the beginning of a lie we form about self. face it and let it go and then create consciously. cancel those goals and you may find less stress and less need for medication and then the gf stays. AND you may find that you still need the medication a while and are able to cut back slowly and will be satisfied with yourself with or without the gf and the trauma will be missing. however the game falls out you will be able to stay connected to your source and work through the real issue that underlies your world.
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