…One year ago I attended the Co-Dependence to Inter-Dependence Intensive workshop with you or you were instrumental in encouraging me to attend. I would like to share with you my experience.
One year ago I arrived at Palm Coast broken, sad, angry, and frankly, suicidal. I was lost in my story as a victim of an abusive childhood and a recent painful divorce after 22 years of marriage. I had been on countless antidepressants & antianxiety medications for many years along with a lifetime of therapy. There were times I found brief relief only to fall back into deep sadness, anger and hopelessness. Throughout the workshop I remained skeptical, resistant and at times confused. What I now know is that I was building the brain cells I needed to heal the clutter that kept me stuck. As I continue this work the periods that I fall back into old patterns have become less and less and I am able to return much quicker to a place of balance and neutralness.
This is what I know for sure and has remained consistent throughout my continued healing:
-When I speak of something outside of myself that is the cause of something inside of myself I am avoiding the very thing that can lead me to healing another layer. When I am in pain I have work to do.
-I cannot simultaneously take responsibility for my life while blaming someone else.
-Anytime I allow a goal to become greater than my reality I disconnect with my being/my source and connect to hurt, sadness, anger and my nonbeing self.
-No one else has to change in order for me to feel good.
-Finding love outside of myself was not the answer.
-Forgiveness is not about letting our self or someone else off the hook. Forgiveness is the tool we use to go into ourselves and remove hostility, rage, grief, fear, pain, sadness, and trauma. As these are removed piece by piece all that is left is the presence of love. Using this tool and experiencing this love and healing has changed my life.
This is what healing and forgiveness has looked like for me:
-I have renewed a healthy relationship with both my daughters. I have also reestablished a continuing relationship with all three of my siblings after a very long period of disconnect.
-My youngest daughter who has experienced some challenges has started using this work.
-I have shifted from anger and disdain towards my abusive mother to a place of compassion and responsible communication.
-I established communication with my ex-husband and my former friend (whom are now engaged to one another). This is something that at one time I thought absolutely impossible.
-I have had many people ask, “What are you doing? I want what you have” and multiple comments on how my eyes appear to have changed.
-I am off 9 medications for various illnesses ranging from high blood pressure to depression, anxiety and a muscle disorder.
-I have achieved freedom from debilitating memories and flashbacks of sexual abuse.
-I have an amazing network of new friends that have become family.
-I love my life and am hopeful and excited for the future.
-I have wonderful support in this work and am grateful for the loving friendships that have come from this.
I have also had some remarkable blessings:
-I have an awesome new job where the owners do the work themselves.
-I have a beautiful new living space that is precisely what I had envisioned for myself a year ago.
-Multiple amazing instances where an individual has generously given me countless hours to learn to be an expert in the very things that have been a challenge for me.
-I was given a brand new car, yes, a new car.
This work is certainly not always easy. But I am proof that forgiveness and using these tools can absolutely transform a life.
Love to all of you,